My Black Hole
by Debussy'sClairDeLune
Summary: I felt the searing pain of his teeth sink into my flesh as I stood frozen in his grip, I could not fight this, I didn’t want to fight this. I closed my eyes not wanting to see. AU to NM. Mostly BPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No infringements intended.**

**This is my first try at fan fiction so bare with me :0)**

BPOV

"_Edward, Edward, Edward! " _

I continued to scream his name in my head. It was all I could do as my barrier finally shattered. I stood frozen as I saw Laurent pounce towards me. Frozen with fear, acceptance and knowing what little experience I had of the world was coming to a swift end.

_"Edward…I love you."_

I felt the searing pain of his teeth sink into my flesh as I stood frozen in his grip. I could not fight this, I didn't want to fight this. I closed my eyes not wanting to see.

I thought this would be the end of all the pain I had suffered due to Edward and the Cullen's leaving me. The hole… the ripping… the pain that was left for months on end for me to endure, correction, the pain I willingly let envelope me. I felt myself fall on my knees, burning, oh god it burns. What's happening to me? Death shouldn't burn? Numb is all I should feel. The emptiness, my body, my soul swallowed up into nothingness?

Ok, now this is so much more…my body is an inferno. I faintly hear a thud as I fall the rest of the way to the ground, growls, whooshing wind but its sounds so far off. Oh this burns! So much so I want the ground to swallow me up and slowly choke me to death. Anything would be better than this.

At the time it was a stupid thought to have but then again, so many things were jumbling my brain, fighting to get heard. I knew what was happening in truth. I had been bitten, I was changing and for reasons unknown to me at the time death would not be granted to me. Laurent had been chased off, ripped to pieces and burnt to ashes. I had been unconscious for two days. I had been told this later on my awaking by a very worried Jake. Oh Jake, he had cared for me the best he could. Dragging me into the tree line to keep me out of the rain, guarding over me, soothing me with words when bouts of screaming ensued. I remember faint blurs of images from that time, of shadows passing through the tree line, humongous shadows. I also learnt later that was Jake. My best friend was a werewolf. A werewolf of all things! I should have known from the start when I found out vampires existed that it didn't stop there.

We stood far apart from each other in the meadow at this moment; I was a newborn after all. I did not want to hurt the only friend I had left in this world. Jake was recounting what happened and talking about what this meant now. We both realised what it would mean. We were lost to each other now. I had lost everything and everyone I had ever cared about. No amount of wishing could reverse what had happened. Even in thinking this I felt my chest heave. The pain, it shouldn't still be here. The emotions gripped me and I wrenched over on my knees gripping what sense of reality I had left.

I was alone. I had nowhere to go. I had no hope and an eternity to dwell upon it.

Jake saw the pain flit across my face and watched as I crumpled to the ground.

"Bella? Please...We…I can help you" his brows furrowed as he fought back his tears.

"Its too late Jake." I started to laugh hysterically "This is all I wanted for my future remember? I just hadn't planned on spending an eternity alone"

Thoughts of Alice jumping up and down when I finally agreed to a shopping trip, Emmett and his joyous laugh, all the Cullen's came smashing into my mind. They had left me. Left me for dead. I was nothing but a human toy to them. An amusement…a distraction…nothing more. Even speaking these truths, I still missed them. Mad as that sounded.

"Jake. I'm sorry"…

It was at that point of thought that I ran, I ran as fast as I could go, trees whirled past me on all sides. It was so easy, so natural to do it. I knew where I was heading. The Mountains. I ran, I jumped and I climbed until I found what I was looking for. A small grassy isolated ledge high up on the side of the mountain. I was panting. Why? I had no longer any need to breathe. I abruptly stopped. It came to me why we breathed, the smell. I could no longer use those senses it was very disorientating.

I sat down and wrapped my arms around my legs while I stared at the setting sun noticing for the first time the shimmering that came off my skin. At one point in my life that would have make me smile beyond belief but now, well I noted it and moved on.

I tried to empty my head of all thoughts and just stare into the abyss of the landscape. This isn't easy I found out. I was capable of so many thoughts at once now. I thought about my changes…I could feel the panic starting to grip me again…how could I have not noticed. The thirst. I'm a newborn shouldn't I be a crazed bloodthirsty beast by now?

It burnt a little in my throat but I had been so relieved to be released from the change that I have taken no notice of it. I let the situation and my emotions claim me instead.

I had no idea how to hunt. How do you do it? Is it learnt is it instinctive?

I decided bloodthirsty newborn or not. I was not moving from this spot until I had my thoughts under control. What if I hurt someone? I cringed at the thought.

I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. I leaned against the rock face and stared endlessly.

I truly don't know how long I had stayed like that day's…months. The sky had become a blur of different colours deepening, lightening just a blur. While my mind raced on and on and on. Not stopping on a memory or a thought long enough to dwell, like a perpetually grinding wheel, it when on and on. Slowly torturing myself.

"I don't want this!" I screamed, louder and louder until the rocks around me started to vibrate.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I wish I owned Twilight but its all the lovely Stephanie Meyer's. Damn. No infringement intended.**

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I had sat on that ledge for about a month, pounding my fists so hard on the ground that the ledge ruptured. Only thing to wake me from my cycle of thoughts was that long hard fall back to the forest below.

That was the day that I realised the only way I could exist was to protect the people I had loved and left from a far. Oh the irony but it was all I had left. I had no other purpose. No love, no meaning, no mate.

Hunting for the first time was the most sickening thing I had ever had to do in my life. To watch the life drain out the animal's eyes was heart breaking. To wrap my head around why I was more worthy to exist than the animal I held in my arms, I could not fathom. I loathed my pointless soulless self. I was a monster of the worse form. I was all that 'he' detested.

I spent months sating myself on the blood of animals in an attempt to control, manipulating my thirst and with every drop I plunged myself deeper into myself hatred. Its only saving grace was that it would mean maybe just maybe I would be ok to watch over Charlie and Jake. It was the only thought that tugged at the sides of my mouth, threatening to bring a smile to my cold hard face. I'd had no contact with anyone since the day I had left Jake in the meadow. I worried constantly about my father. I was all he had and I had deserted him. True, not by choice but none the less, I left him alone and grieving.

I did not know the story that was passed around about my disappearance. I assumed it would be blamed upon the bear attacks or something along those lines. I knew that Jake would extinguish the hope in Charlie that I would return, that I was dead. I knew he would do that for me.

For a whole year I roamed the National Park Forest and mountains that surrounded Mt. Olympus not staying in one place long. I kept out the way of humans; I knew I was probably not a threat to anyone anymore. The fact that I had still not spoken one word since the screaming on the ledge just added the imbalance I felt. I felt no urge or no need. A year on I was still grinding that wheel of my memories. Stuck in thought.

I shuddered. This has to stop I thought to myself as I watched the morning dew slide off a blade of grass, gather and splash on the ground. I can't do this. I either find a way to die or I start the only purpose I had left. Knowing that if I didn't I would not recover from my near comatose state. I was Bella Swan…I was strong and intelligent. That thought wavered and crashed as it had so many times before. My last bit of human thoughts kicked through and berated myself for such a pitiful existence. Still I pushed myself up into a standing position.

My senses were still heightened enough for me to find my way back to my previous home. I decided Jake was the safest bet first. He was half human after all. At least he would heal quickly if I couldn't control my instincts.

I ran as quickly as my legs would carry me to the Quilette border and that's where I smelt him. It was the overpowering smell of wet dog that permeated my nose when I had last seen Jake.

I sat on the edge of the trail of scent. I don't know why but something told me I shouldn't cross over. Just wait and that's what I did. Time didn't seem to make much difference anymore.

It was a waning moon high above as I lay there in the grass watching the stars. I wish I'd paid more attention when my mother was going through her astronomy stage. It would have been nice to distract myself by naming the stars above me. As that thought passed I felt pounding vibrating through the earth and up my fingers.

'_tha-thumptha-thumptha-thumptha-thumptha-thumptha-thumptha-thump'_ came to my ears picking up speed. More than one wolf, oh god!

It was time.

I was surrounded by what looked like angry, slathering wolves intent on killing me. I noticed a large one had wonder away out of sight, next thing I knew I heard it. The voice I had needed to hear for a long time.

"Bella? Oh my god Bella, what have you done to yourself?" Jake! His words were soft but urgent, full of worry and curiosity.

"Where had you been? What the hell Bella! You had me so worried" oh god now he's pissed at me.

"iiiiiii" I threw my hand to my throat, oh come on girl! "iiim ssorryy Jakee" I croaked forcing a smile to my face. "Any chance yourrr frriends aren't going to rip me limb from limb tonight?"

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**Well I don't know about this chapter, still umming and arrring about it. Sleepless nights probably aren't good for writing.**


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